It’s a truth universally acknowledged that an incredibly accomplished woman may find herself held back… Held back from achieving her aspirations, from stepping into her leadership potential and from becoming even more accomplished.  

 The saddest part of all?  Many of the roadblocks and obstacles that hold women back come from within.   

 Yes… the system and structures, unconscious bias and the preconceived vision of what a leader looks like play a part, but they’re not the only factors. 

 What’s holding you back? 

Women come to me for a wide range of reasons. While they’re all mid-career, some find themselves ‘stuck’ and unable to progress their careers, while others have reached (and smashed!) their career goals but instead of feeling jubilant feel underwhelmed. Others come to me because they feel unseen and overlooked, while others know they’re working far harder than they should.  

Almost every time I ask “What’s the number one thing holding you back?” they answer without too much hesitation… ME!  

 What almost all these women have in common is the (horrible!) experience of ruminating and questioning their sense of worth. They have internal blocks and mental obstacles that take up far too much real estate in their heads. Instead of strategically approaching their work and career, it’s happening by default, and that doesn’t feel great in the long term.  

 So, how does this arise? At a macro level it’s the patriarchy, no doubt about it, but let’s save that discussion for another day. Let’s go to the nitty gritty of how it arises and the impact it leaves.  

It’s not unusual for women to come with me with an extremely unclear understanding of their worth.  

 They either shrug off their accomplishments or don’t even see the value in what they do. What’s interesting is that low self-worth and busy work that keeps women occupied (but doesn’t progress their career) often go hand in hand.  

 The thing with being busy is it’s incredibly validating. Ticking things off a list feels great. There’s that dopamine hit as we ‘prove’ our output and productivity. But just like a sugar rush, there’s a crash, and in this context the resulting erosion of boundaries breeds resentment and limits career progression. It also means they continue to show up as a do-er rather than a leader.  

 The other thing holding women back is a reluctance to delegate.  

 In some cases, it’s a flat out refusal. Instead of hand-balling appropriately to the relevant team members, some women find themselves doing the workload of an entire team. This is unsustainable and quite frankly insulting to their people, not to mention demoralising.  

 There’s only one way to move past this and that’s to learn to let go. Trust in other people’s abilities and allow them to step up and actually do the job you’ve engaged them to do.  

 Another inner block that keeps women stuck is a lack of clarity around their values and what matters most to them. As I detailed in this piece, sometimes women compare their current state of being with how they defined success in their 20s or 30s, and while their priorities shifted their approach didn’t. The end result is misalignment between their role and the way they see themselves, OR the way they see themselves and the way they intrinsically feel.  

 Women are also held back by their own comfort zone.  

 They’re afraid to fail, afraid to be vulnerable and as a result they are unable to stretch and grow. Sometimes women simply lack confidence in their own abilities, which keeps them in their comfort zone. A great way to tackle this is to simply track your wins. We all have to do lists, but how many of us have ‘done, and done beautifully’ lists?  

 Internal blocks aren’t insurmountable. They require a level of self-awareness. I find that when I help women create a reflective practice they gain the perspective to see their blind spots, and then, in turn, put into place a plan of attack against them.  

 Almost always there’s a need to firstly manage expectations, both their own and those of others, and the next step?  Doing the work to quieten the inner critic, believe in your worth and build courage to back yourself.  

What’s holding you back?  

 If you’re like the women I work with, your inner blocks are something we can absolutely kick to the curb – just reach out. 

I’ve had some incredibly enlightening conversations this week with smart, mid-career professional women who, like me, fell into the sneaky trap of being the notorious “go-to girl.” Maybe you can relate. Are you known as the Jack of all trades, the fix-it woman, or have you earned the label of “reliable”? Oh boy, it’s time to take a closer look.

Confession time: I used to proudly wear the “go-to girl” badge as if it were the ultimate mark of distinction. It fed my ego to know that people sought me out, recognising that I was the one who would always make time to help them.

But here’s the kicker—I had no clue just how much it was holding me back. Looking back now, I realise I was seen as a doer, not the remarkable leader I truly wanted to be.

Reflecting on my journey, I can’t help but recall a comment from an HR director about me “over mothering” the team. Let me tell you, it stung like a slap in the face back then. But now, with a fresh perspective, I understand that he was providing me with invaluable guidance on how I could step up and lead more effectively. Funny how life works, right? Sometimes, those seemingly hurtful remarks are the catalysts for profound self-discovery and growth.

So, if you’ve found yourself deep in the weeds as the go-to girl here’s what to do about it.

1. Recognise the Go-To Girl Pitfall

Now that we’re on the same page, let’s dive deeper into this notorious pitfall. Being the go-to girl might feel flattering, but it can become a double-edged sword. While it’s wonderful to be dependable and reliable, it can also lead to being pigeonholed and undervalued. It’s time to break free from this limited perception and step into your full leadership potential.

2. Unleash Your Leadership Mindset

Shifting from the go-to girl to an esteemed leader requires a mindset overhaul. It’s time to shed the belief that your worth is solely defined by being the problem solver. Embrace the idea that leadership is about inspiring, influencing, and creating meaningful impact. Believe in your capabilities and envision yourself as the influential leader you aspire to become.

3. Break free from the Go-To Girl Leadership Mould

Your Go-To Girl role may have defined you in the past, but it’s now time to release the expectations and limitations that come with that role. Embrace your uniqueness and craft your own leadership style. Reflect on your strengths, values, and passions. Define the type of leader you want to be and align your actions with that vision.

4. Shift your reputation by shifting your focus

If you want to change how others perceive you, it’s time to shift your focus. Instead of solely being the go-to girl who handles everything, redirect your attention towards strategic initiatives, team empowerment, and impactful contributions. By shifting your focus from being the problem solver to being a visionary leader, you’ll not only transform your reputation but also inspire others to see you in a new light.

5. Focus on Growth and Continuous Learning

Breaking free from the go-to girl role and unleashing your leadership superpowers takes courage and growth. It’s time to level up by mastering the art of delegation, embracing change with open arms, and empowering your team to do their best work. Say goodbye to spreading yourself too thin and hello to focusing on what truly matters. Trust in your team’s capabilities, confidently say no when necessary, and create a culture of innovation and growth. And make sure you’re aligning your time and effort with what matters most to the organisation.

Are you ready to shift from “go-to girl” to leader?

Bidding farewell to the role of the go-to girl starts with the simple decision to no longer play that part for your boss, your team and your organisation. Are you ready?

The mistake I see many mid-career professional women making is thinking that the way to be seen, heard, recognised and promoted is… to work harder and do more.   

I really don’t know how that would be possible though, because most of the professional women I speak to are already working super hard.  

But I get it. Over the years we’ve been told that success comes to those who work hard. 

Your strong work ethic, getting the job done and doing it well, was probably what got you to where you are today.  It may be what you are known for. It’s likely helped to open up some fabulous opportunities for you over the years. You may have even crafted a reputation as someone who is super helpful, reliable and dependable.  

But being helpful, useful and reliable is likely the very thing that is now holding you back.   

It was great in the early years of your career but if you want to be seen as an impactful leader it will keep you stuck at the level, you’re at.   

Take a look at the leaders who you admire. And think about this for a moment... 

Are they stuck in the day to day, busy doing low value tasks? 

NO, they are not!   

The brutal truth is that working harder and doing more is more likely to lead to burnout than respect, recognition or an amazing job offer.  

So, you may be wondering… how do you get to that next level of leadership, impact and recognition?  

It starts with DOING LESS and dedicating more time and energy to actually LEADING.   

It may seem counterintuitive at first. How can you get ahead when you are actually DOING less? 

It’s quite simple really. When you’re busy being busy you’ve got no time or head space to truly lead.   

Leadership is about setting the vision, making impactful decisions, solving the big problems and focusing on progressing projects that will support the growth and sustainability of the business. It’s about building and leading high performing teams and supporting and mentoring people to perform at their best.   

All of these activities require space to think.   

So that’s exactly where you need to start – by creating the space to think and lead.   

That means taking back control of your calendar. I recommend that my clients start by clearing the clutter, removing unnecessary meetings and creating at least 1 or 2 chunks of time each week which they dedicate to focusing on the big picture work of leadership.  

It means setting boundaries.  

It means saying NO to the busy work so you can focus on the work that matters.  

But first… 

Do you actually know what work matters most to you, your team and the organisation?   

If you want your talents and capabilities to be recognised, it’s important you’re prioritising based on what matters most to your boss (and their boss!)  Too often I see women lost in the weeds of the day to day and not focused on the work that is in alignment with the organisation’s goals, and then wonder why they are being overlooked for promotion or interesting projects.  

Recognition will come from DOING LESS, creating space to think, and focusing your efforts on what matters most to the organisation and doing work that supports the business goals.   

And finally – we can’t overlook the importance of making time and space prioritise you.   

Being happy, healthy and well rested is a prerequisite for great leadership. It supports productivity, is the foundation of creativity and is essential to enable you to show up as the best version of you!  

Taking time out for you is not a luxury – it’s a necessity. As is getting enough sleep, making sure you move your body, and doing what you need to do to quieten your mind and nurture your spirit.  

So, let me ask you…. 

Do you really want to stay stuck in the day-to-day busyness, working really hard – but not getting the recognition you deserve?  

Or is it time to break free of this pattern and finally step up to the next level of leadership, impact and recognition – not by doing more but by doing less?   

If you’d like to learn more about how to let go of the busyness and truly step into the work of leadership  join us in our FREE Facebook group, Leading Ladies: an exclusive group for mid-career women to share, learn and grow.

Hi. I’m Jane Benston. Leadership coach, Career strategist and founder of The Ignite program – an 8-week group coaching program for mid-career women.

I’m a leadership coach for mid-career women who want to step up to the next level of leadership … without burning out or selling out. I’ve spent my career in the corporate space working with incredible people across the country.  

 However, my first ‘job’ was not even remotely corporate. It was helping Mum and Dad out in the paddocks mustering stock or in the sheep yards drafting sheep. Yes, my work wardrobe of grossly unflattering hospital and retail uniforms or corporate suit and heels was a far cry from gumboots!  

 My first pay check didn’t come from working in McDonald’s or the local café, but rather from selling my pet lambs and calves at market, that I’d hand feed each day before and after school. 

 I’m a farm girl, born and bred.  

 People are sometimes surprised when I share that I grew up on a sheep and cattle farm. I’m not exactly sure why. I know there are a lot of misconceptions about what farm life actually is. There are those romanticised depictions of rural serenity, a slow pace, an Old MacDonald-esque life that’s all about animals and hard work. 

 Of course, these aren’t inaccurate, but in reality, farming is all about people. Farming is teamwork, everyone pitches in when there’s a job to be done and farming communities are well known for their sense of … well, community.  

 My career off the farm actually started out in the health sector as an Occupational Therapist – firstly in the UK and then back in Melbourne.  

 Next came working for 2 INCREDIBLE young women in a fast-growing, award-winning service-based business – where my role was to negotiate win, win solutions to support injured workers return to work.  

 From here I moved to the corporate world in the space of health and safety, traveling to big cities and smaller towns across Australia to work with leaders and their teams.  

 I’ve written about my path to leadership coaching here, but when I reflect on my career, theoretically leagues away from the ‘industry’ of farming, at the core of my work is people, specifically a deep care for their wellbeing within the context of meeting their potential.  

 Every role, from that of graduate OT through to leader in the aforementioned ugly hospital culottes to the suit and heels, has, to put it mildly, involved creating the environment for humans to flourish.  

 My work today continues to encompass this.  

 Having experienced the polar opposite of flourishing, aka burnout, my work is now centred around women avoiding the pitfalls that come with being a high achiever without a roadmap to a successful, fulfilling and rewarding career.   

 I help women achieve their goals and aspirations in a way that doesn’t involve them working harder. On the whole, the women I meet are already working ridiculously hard with phenomenal work ethics.  I show them how they can have a much bigger impact at the leadership table by actually “Doing” less. 

 And I’m passionate about supporting women to “Lead Their Way.”  This means digging deep on their values, their aspirations, the way they see themselves and aligning their professional life to this, and not the other way around. It’s also about finding a leadership style that works for them – rather than trying to fit into an outdated or overly masculine style of leadership that is out of step with who they are at their core.  

 So, in a nutshell… my farming girl start in life has led me to the work I do today.  

 I help mid-career women to up level their career in a way that enables them to flourish, not just survive. If I’m the leadership coach/farm girl to help you get to where you want to be, please reach out. I’d love to work with you!