I’ve had a number of conversations this week with smart, mid-life professional women who have fallen into the trap of being the “go-to girl.” 

Perhaps you, too, are the go-to girl. Or you might be known as the Jack of all trades, the fix-it woman or have earned the label of “reliable”. Eek! 

And if you’re in your 40s or 50s, you might be noticing this – the expectations keep growing, but your tolerance for everyone else’s chaos is shrinking. (Fair.) 

I get it. I was this woman for a long time. And I wore the label like a badge of honor! 

I liked the fact that people would seek me out, knowing that I was the only one in the team to really take the time to help them. It fueled my ego to be needed! 

But I had no clue how much it was holding me back. On reflection now, I realise that I was seen as a doer not as the leader I wanted to be seen as. 

A comment from the HR director about “over mothering” the team now makes sense. At the time, it was nothing but insulting and hurtful. Now, I realise he was providing guidance on how I could step up to lead more effectively. 

So, what’s the problem with being the go-to girl? 

1. Your plate becomes overfull. 

I don’t need to tell you this. You know it already. You are super busy. You’re working long hours without making any real progress. You’re exhausted. And at times, it’s overwhelming. You have no bandwidth for creativity or strategic thinking. 

And when you’re juggling work and life (and everything mid-life tends to bring with it), “just push harder” isn’t a strategy — it’s a fast track to resentment. 

2. You are so busy doing – there is no time to truly lead

You may have the title of leader, but who has the time or headspace to really lead? Finding the time to sit quietly to think, plan and strategise is for many go-to girls … well … pie in the sky. And building and nurturing a high-performing team takes your consistent time, energy and focus, which you have so little of. 

3. It’s killing your career progression 

You don’t get seen, heard, valued or promoted for doing the busy work. It’s as simple as that! 

When was the last time you did something that truly moved the dial on the work you want to be known for, or the impact you want to have? 

Being the go-to girl will inevitably keep you stuck in the weeds – doing what I call busy work. And you don’t get promoted for doing the busy work! Someone has to do it, but it’s time to pass it onto someone else. 

So, what now? 

If you are the go-to girl, stuck in the weeds of doing rather than leading, then it’s time for change. Because staying “reliable” will keep you helpful, but it won’t help you be recognised as the leader you actually are.